Monday, April 26, 2010

Response on Facebook to "What Is Red Green?" (abridged)

In a series of comments on Facebook, my dear sweet, though obviously non-worldly friend, Suzi asked: "and, what is Red Green?"

Obviously, her question -- open for all of the world to see, needed to be answered.


My response:

OMG!!!!!!! What???? "What is Red Green"?????

First of all: WHO is Red Green?

Why, he is the owner of Possum Lodge, and is a staple of most fine PBS stations with their weekly import from Canada.... ......

Basically, Red can fix anything with duct tape, e.g. changing flat tires -- even if the lug nuts are rusted. All you do is just duct tape the spare tire to the flat one and then it is guaranteed to hold for at least 100 yards, actually 100 meters -- you know, Canadian metric system, eh? .... , or you can make your own DeLorean car door that opens by raising up instead of swinging sideways with a little help using a garage-door opener and more duct tape.

Essentially, Tim Allen's Tool Time is the woman's perspective of what men with tools are, whereas Red Green and his junkyard and duct tape is a man's version of what men with tools are....

The true sign of understanding this difference can be detected by watching the difference in re-action when a husband and wife watch their first episode of Red Green together (which can be checked out from your local public library if needed!!!) As Red is explaining how to duct tape whatever his latest project is -- the man can be seen nodding his head up and down saying un-huh, while at the same time, the wife is shaking her head sideways muttering, "I don't get it!!"

And it's true, women don't. When a woman gives her husband a chore to do from the honey do list, she expects things like that when he is done, it will: 1) work, 2) look good, 3) not need to be re-visited over and over, 4) not require the purchase of several hundred dollars of new tools, and 5) not take 6 months to complete a 2-hour project, especially when it requires leaving all of the tools out "until I can get the project finished -- as soon as I possibly can ... this next weekend, I promise ..."

But lest you fear that Red Green only deals with home fix-it projects, the show also does manly poetry and singing, re-citing the "man prayer", doing the word game where you try to get men to say words like: quiche, etc., and answer man-questions like how to answer your wife if she asks the husband if her new pants make her look fat, as well as other timely issues like how to try to get rid of your nerdy nephew who is totally unable to cope with the concept of dating or even mentioning women in any shape, way or form ....

And all of that packed into a mere half-hour session, though of course, since it is PBS, it is a full, 100% half hour -- not diluted with 8 minutes of commercials -- though of course, if you did feel the need to buy something, you could always go to their website and purchase Possum Lodge souvenirs and of course, duct tape....

Need I say anything more??

P.S. Would you care to see my picture of Red and me together when he visited the PBS station in Seattle 7 years ago??

It is one of my most cherished possessions -- if I can find where I put it when I packed to move back to Idaho. But I know it's here somewhere -- right along with my extra duct tape.
Posted by Kim at 10:33 PM
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Red Green on Facebook (unabridged version)

Kim:
Only 9 more days till Red Green is in town!! I practically have to duct tape myself to my chair, I am so giddy with excitement. I might just run out of tape ...

Fortunately, I am planning to buy a whole case of duct tape, so that I can make furniture, fix car parts, or any other ideas Red gives us at his performance May 1st at the Egyptian Theater!!
April 22 at 2:42pm · Comment · Like/Unlike

Deborah likes this.

Kim:
Oh did I forget to mention, the performance is all for a good cause, funding PBS (KAID) in its efforts to show the Red Green Show and other equally highly sophisticated programs!
April 22 at 2:44pm

Kim:
Cool, I just discovered that a person could comment on their own comments ...
April 22 at 2:45pm

Kim:
... and then I suppose comment on those comments that commented on my previous comments ...
April 22 at 2:45pm

Kim:
It's almost like having a discussion with myself ....
April 22 at 2:46pm

Kim:

Or argument with myself ...
April 22 at 2:46pm

Kim:

No, it's not ....
April 22 at 2:46pm

Kim:
Yes, it is .....
April 22 at 2:46pm

Kim:
Fine, then I am going to stop talking to you ....
April 22 at 2:46pm

Kim:
Good riddance!! Just go away ....
April 22 at 2:47pm

Kim:
Would the two of you stop arguing right now???
April 22 at 2:47pm

Kim:
Now look what you have gone and done!!!
April 22 at 2:47pm

Kim:
Me???? It wasn't me, it was you that got us in trouble!!!
April 22 at 2:48pm

Kim:
And to think some people get emails sent every time there is a comment made -- just imagine how many emails could be piling up in emails accounts all around the country -- back logged, piling up, just like volcanic-prone European airports ....
April 22 at 2:51pm

Nice Niece Sarah:
o dear-- **shakes head**
April 22 at 5:18pm

Annie, the Wonder Wife:
Oh, good grief! Slow day at school??? Or just your multiple personalities asserting themselves??
April 22 at 5:19pm

Favorite Daughter, Hillary:
I think you should duct tape your keyboard...
April 22 at 6:18pm

Friend Suzi:
where did you find him Annie? But then you are pretty hilarious too!:) You 2 are my comic relief!
April 22 at 6:46pm

Friend Suzi:
and, what is Red Green?
April 22 at 7:40pm

Kim:
OMG!!!!!!! What???? "What is Red Green"?????

First of all: WHO is Red Green?

Why, he is the owner of Possum Lodge, and is a staple of most fine PBS stations with their weekly import from Canada.... ......

Basically, Red can fix anything with duct tape, e.g. changing flat tires -- even if the lug nuts are rusted. All you do is just duct tape the spare tire to the flat one and then it is guaranteed to hold for at least 100 yards, actually 100 meters -- you know, Canadian metric system, eh? .... , or you can make your own DeLorean car door that opens by raising up instead of swinging sideways with a little help using a garage-door opener and more duct tape.

Essentially, Tim Allen's Tool Time is the woman's perspective of what men with tools are, whereas Red Green and his junkyard and duct tape is a man's version of what men with tools are....

The true sign of understanding this difference can be detected by watching the difference in re-action when a husband and wife watch their first episode of Red Green together (which can be checked out from your local public library if needed!!!) As Red is explaining how to duct tape whatever his latest project is -- the man can be seen nodding his head up and down saying un-huh, while at the same time, the wife is shaking her head sideways muttering, "I don't get it!!"

And it's true, women don't. When a woman gives her husband a chore to do from the honey do list, she expects things like that when he is done, it will: 1) work, 2) look good, 3) not need to be re-visited over and over, 4) not require the purchase of several hundred dollars of new tools, and 5) not take 6 months to complete a 2-hour project, especially when it requires leaving all of the tools out "until I can get the project finished -- as soon as I possibly can ... this next weekend, I promise ..."

But lest you fear that Red Green only deals with home fix-it projects, the show also does manly poetry and singing, re-citing the "man prayer", doing the word game where you try to get men to say words like: quiche, etc., and answer man-questions like how to answer your wife if she asks the husband if her new pants make her look fat, as well as other timely issues like how to try to get rid of your nerdy nephew who is totally unable to cope with the concept of dating or even mentioning women in any shape, way or form ....

And all of that packed into a mere half-hour session, though of course, since it is PBS, it is a full, 100% half hour -- not diluted with 8 minutes of commercials -- though of course, if you did feel the need to buy something, you could always go to their website and purchase Possum Lodge souvenirs and of course, duct tape....

Need I say anything more??

P.S. Would you care to see my picture of Red and me together when he visited the PBS station in Seattle 7 years ago??

It is one of my most cherished possessions -- if I can find where I put it when I packed to move back to Idaho. But I know it's here somewhere -- right along with my extra duct tape.
April 22 at 10:45pm

Annie, the Wonder Wife:
Hillary, you may have a very good point there! And Suzi, you DID ask . . .
April 22 at 11:18pm

Favorite Daughter, Hillary

You're forgetting to talk about the best side-kick/relative to ever grace the PBS airwaves...
Fri at 6:01am

Friend Suzi:
Kim, all I needed was a one sentence explanation. Now I remember you winning debates. I think you need to tape that part of your brain down.:)
Fri at 6:17am

Friend Suzi:
sorry I asked.....
Fri at 6:19am

Kim:
I beg to differ oh daughter of mine. I do believe that I mentioned (and I quote myself): "as well as other timely issues like how to try to get rid of your nerdy nephew who is totally unable to cope with the concept of dating or even mentioning women in any shape, way or form ...."

For I agree, who could ever think of not including good ol' Harold!!!!
Fri at 8:33am

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Congressional Term Limits Too Limiting

I am sick and tired of hearing about term limits being limited to congressmen.

Actually while it is true that I am sick – it is not because of politics but because of a cold that I have had now for four weeks, and as for being tired, I pretty much am tired most of the time during the school year – but summer vacation isn’t that far off. – Still, I am truly sick and tired, and felt that I should follow the example set by so many political activists. But I digress ….

I am amazed at the short-sightedness, not so much of our politicians but of their critics. I feel pressured to accept the concept that professional politicians are harmful to the democratic process, and that instead America is better off having leaders with limited experience with an amateur status. As American business and involvement in world affairs becomes more complex, the argument is that it is better to use people who are not career experts but rather are temporary representatives from the American citizenry – taking a limited turn, and then returning back to their previous profession. The argument is based on the notion that somehow a politician changes with experience – but not for the better, but typically only for personal gain or convenience.

I do truly appreciate being clued in to these phenomena. Now I find myself watching for the dangers of seniority and experience throughout our society.

Let’s start with medicine. God knows that medical costs are going through the roof! I believe that it is a fact that most doctors are now paid more than when they first started their practice. Clearly there must be a connection with doctors being paid more while medical costs and insurance premiums continue to rise exponentially. Also, there can be a callowness that has been known to develop after years and years of seeing patients day in and day out – (both in patients and out patients!)

I believe that the answer of maintaining a fresh, amateur status of our congressmen should apply to doctors as well. First of all – is it any surprise with all of the years of schooling and interning that doctors are so expensive? Many of them already have that doctor tone of superiority before they have even finished interning. What we need are fresh, amateurs that still feel the desire to learn more each time you put a scalpel in their hand while sedating you for abdominal surgery.

In addition, with far less medical school expenses and less years of experience, medical expenses should plummet! After doctors reach their term limits, they could find other employment – possibly even in similar fields such as veterinary work on cattle, or pharmaceutical sales.

Same for air fare. Think of the expenses as well as the number of errors attributed to pilots that have spent far too much time up in the air. What we need are new pilots who are still thrilled with the prospect of preventing the next jumbo jet flight with over two hundred passengers from ending in a ball of fire. We need pilots still marveling at their first glimpse of various landmarks as they try to avoid getting lost – as an effective ways of keeping pilots from succumbing to sleep or overlooking safety factors due to excessive, mundane routine or even occasional boredom. And of course, patriotic passengers can expect a corresponding plummeting from the sky in the price of tickets …

God knows we could save money with term limits imposed on teachers – ridding public schools of expensive, burned-out teachers.

It’s a no-brainer that truck drivers can become jaded or distracted with too much time on the road – far better to have novices at lower pay!

Police corruption could be reduced by using only rookies and newbies. Vets sent out the door could become private detectives or mercenaries.

Actors should be turned away by age thirty – just think how much more attractive and realistic all characters would be …

I could cite other examples as well, but in all fairness, I think that I have spent too much time on this already, and that it should be turned over to someone younger and fresher …

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Are You Better Off Now Than Eight Years Before?

Obama’s Democrats in the U.S. Senate are down to only 59 to the Republicans 41 and therefore can’t vote for cloture on any party-line vote in order to cut off debate so that legislation can be brought to a vote.

I am not quite sure I understand the logic. Apparently the Obama White House feels that the American public will side with the Republicans as they strive to stonewall the Democrats and bring the Senate to a standstill on anything substantive in Obama's proposed legislative package based on the campaign promises that got him elected.

Further, Obama seems to accept the notion that the American public (electorate) is tired of the wrangling and delays and therefore does not want any of the legislation passed that was the basis of Obama’s victory to address the economic, military, medical, and employment mess left by the Bush II administration.

Apparently, conventional wisdom by White House strategists is that the American public supports Republican efforts to continue the past year stalemate another three years, and then to elect a Republican to extend Republican policies that put us where we are now.

Ronald Reagan, tagged as the “great communicator” had a knack for taking an idea and presenting it in an overly simplified format to a receptive American public. One classic example was offered during the 1980 Carter – Reagan presidential campaign. Reagan simply asked Americans: are you better off now than you were four years ago.

I question why Reagan’s question wasn’t adapted to the 2008 election continuously whether Americans were better off after eight years of Bush II . While the public was pre-occupied with whether to impeach Clinton along party lines for whether or not he lied about sexual dalliances, his administration also became the first administration since the Great Depression and World War II to balance the budget. Thus giving Bush II the opportunity to give two tax rebates to the American public and launch not one, but two wars.

Now we find ourselves in record debt and barely avoided the recession spiraling into another depression. Bank loans and employment became priorities while having to forego addressing our indebtedness.

Now the public seems to have forgotten already: 1) who got us into this mess, 2) how close we came to being drawn into a major depression, 3) how many Americans are in extreme need of employment and/or medical coverage, 4) who is the one that is effectively confronting these problems, and 5) how problems of such magnitude cannot be contained easily or quickly.

With that as a basis, I wonder why the American public is allowing itself the excessive luxury of becoming intolerant and impatient of the current administration, and why the Democrats are allowing Republicans to frame the question in such negative terms.

It is beyond me as to why Democrats do not constantly ask if we are better eight years after Bush II took over, if we are better off or worse off in the one year that the Obama administration has been in power. And correspondingly, how Republican stonewalling is in the best interest of the American public and/or solving the problems that confront us. At what point does the needs of the country take priority over what is politically expedient for partisan gamesmanship?

Can we really afford the luxury of another three-year stalemate that leaves these threatening challenges unmet? Why isn’t the American public screaming bloody murder at the party responsible for creating the problems and now stonewalling any attempts to try to recover from them?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Hitlerian Tendencies

Ever since the fall of the Soviet Union, it seems that the John Birch Society has not been able to maintain the high level profile that I had counted on in previous decades. Nor do whistle-blower warnings of the Tri-lateral Commission command the same attention they once did.

Even warnings of immoral governmental actions from televangelist pillars as Jimmy Swaggart and Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker declined after each of their respective downfalls.

Fortunately, Pat Robertson has continued to inform the naïvely unaware and innocent so that they can be fully aware of efforts by the devil and Democrats. In addition, others such as Rush Limbaugh have risen to provide voice where once we could count on John Birchers. We even have networks such as Fox to fill the breech – not to mention a network of blogging and emailing citizens to circulate any real and/or imagined governmental sins.

Without these outspoken watchdogs, citizens like me are prone not to realize fully the threat that Democratic administrations pose.

For example, the recent tragedy in Haiti of a 7.0 magnitude earthquake would seem to much of the unaware citizenry to have been an act of God – albeit a devastating one. Yet both Robertson and Limbaugh have been faithful instruments trumpeting explanations that much of the rest of us would never have suspected. Robertson pointed out that Haiti deserves such tragedies as a result of having literally made a bargain with the devil in exchange for preventing being controlled by the French. Limbaugh contributed the warning that the Obama administration was using the event purely as a public relations opportunity.

Ashamed that others had to investigate for me, it was at this point that I determined to follow their inspirational leadership and sought on my own to research the matter further – using the always reliable internet (which is surprising considering it was created by Al Gore) at my disposal.

I was astonished and furious to confirm Limbaugh’s assertions. Limbaugh asserted that the 7.0 earthquake that rocked Haiti enabled Mr. Obama to highlight his “compassionate” and “humanitarian” credentials to “boost his credibility with the black community.” But Limbaugh does not go far enough. I pieced together from several unnamed and/or imagined sources that Obama’s henchmen not only compelled Haiti to submit to having a major earthquake with the epicenter located in their capital city, but that the White House refused to even consider agreeing to anything less than a 7.0 quake along with a mandatory series of successive aftershocks. Haiti officials complained that they had been willing to cooperate and accept a 6.5 or even 6.6 magnitude quake. They argued it would have been sufficient for Obama to display his compassion without what Haitian officials considered an unnecessarily excessive level of death and destruction. Indignantly, they felt a line had to be drawn on how much death a country should have to accept, just to help a U.S. president with his ratings!

Congressional critics also suggested that the White House insistence on a 7.0 quake was wasteful in cost, and that the U.S. should not have paid for anything over a 6.7 at the absolute highest – both in terms of costs directly to Haiti and in later emergency relief. White House officials justified the more extreme disaster saying Haiti deserved any additional destruction as a “cursed” consequence of their historical “pact to the devil” – as revealed by televangelist Pat Robertson.

But perhaps the most disturbing revelations that I uncovered came from Kitty Werthmann, president of the South Dakota Eagle Forum. Ms. Werthmann survived seven years in Austria under Adolf Hitler’s regime. She points out the haunting similarities between Hitler’s dictatorship and the Obama administration. She stressed that Hitler’s strangle hold was created incrementally rather than immediately and fully. It started with national identification cards, gun registration, daycare and evolved out of control from there.

But again, I don’t feel the Werthmann goes far enough. In my research, I uncovered several other disturbing, ominous similarities between the two demigods. I have conclusive proof that both Hitler and Obama were/are addicted to oxygen as if to have aspirations for public aspirations -- even in public meetings where the cameras were rolling. (Further, rumors have it that both so-called leaders are also addicted to food – consuming it even multiple times in a single day.)

Unfortunately, this is only the tip of the iceberg. I have been able to ascertain beyond any reasonable level of doubt that both leaders have two legs, which both openly use for walking and movement. Both wear clothes – so brazenly that neither has ever been on record as being apologetic for their continuous efforts to hide behind clothing. Both spoke a predominate language – though admittedly not the same language – yet. But time will tell. Both were married – though Obama actually had the gall to marry before even assuming national leadership rather than holding off till the last day or two of his administration.

Clearly Werthmann is a visionary, and I am convinced that Americans need to heed her words. Clearly boundaries need to be set and Obama can not be allowed to encroach further on our freedoms. For me, I propose we draw the line and begin a protest of civil disobedience the day Obama speaks to us in German or tries to force us to eat strudel.

The end.



Sources:

Citation regarding Limbaugh

The disaster enables Mr. Obama to highlight his "compassionate" and "humanitarian" credentials and to "boost his credibility with the black community," Limbaugh said.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs at his daily press briefing today criticized Limbaugh's remarks.

"I think in times of great crisis, there are always people that say really stupid things," Gibbs said. I don't know how anybody -- I don't know how anybody could sit where he does, having enjoyed the success that he has, and not feel some measure of sorrow for what has happened in Haiti. I think to use the power of your pulpit to try to convince those not to help their brothers and sisters is sad."

http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2010/01/14/politics/politicalhotsheet/entry6097183.shtml?tag=contentMain;contentBody



Citation regarding Robertson
Televangelist Pat Robertson said Wednesday that earthquake-ravaged Haiti has been "cursed" by a "pact to the devil."
"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it," he said on Christian Broadcasting Network's "The 700 Club." "They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal."
Robertson said that "ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other" and he contrasted Haiti with its neighbor, the Dominican Republic.
"That island of Hispaniola is one island. It is cut down the middle; on the one side is Haiti on the other is the Dominican Republic," he said. "Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etc. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same island. They need to have and we need to pray for them a great turning to god and out of this tragedy I'm optimistic something good may come. But right now we are helping the suffering people and the suffering is unimaginable."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/13/pat-robertson-haiti-curse_n_422099.html


Citation regarding Werthmann

Freedoms can disappear in a hurry if we aren't careful

Those of us who sailed past the Statue of Liberty came to a country of unbelievable freedom and opportunity.
I lived in Austria under Adolf Hitler's regime for seven years. Dictatorship did not happen overnight. It was a gradual process starting with national identification cards, which we had to carry with us at all times.
We could not board a bus or train without our ID card. Gun registration followed, with a lot of talk about gun safety and hunting accidents. Since the government already knew who owned firearms, confiscation followed under threat of capital punishment.
Freedom of speech was the next target. Free speech was curtailed with the enforcement of the federal police (Gestapo). With a large network of informers, people were afraid to say anything political, even in their own homes.
The liberal mindset in America has promoted gun control for a long time and is beginning to advocate national identification cards.
Law-abiding American citizens should not have to carry national identification cards. Aliens and non-citizens should be required to carry ID cards. Even their driver's licenses should be different than a citizen's driver's license.
Our government also needs to take strong measures against illegal aliens and tightly close our borders to protect American citizens.
Even though we are in a state of war, we have to protect our civil liberties. While some people need power to secure our freedom, we must be ever-vigilant to maintain a system of checks and balances.
I am sorely disappointed with France and Germany. If it was not for the United States, the French would be speaking German today. And if our troops had not protected Germany, Russian tanks would have rolled all the way to the Rhine River.
How ungrateful those nations are. We have to stand by our country and our troops. I am grateful that our troops are protecting freedom.
America is the greatest country in the world. After America, there is no place to run.


http://www.eagleforum.org/misc/states/articles/2003/werthmann-3-11-03.shtml

Kitty Werthmann

Kitty Werthmann, 77, of Pierre, is president of the South Dakota Eagle Forum. She lobbies the state Legislature on family issues. She has lived in the United States since 1950 and has been a U.S. citizen since 1962

Friday, January 29, 2010

An Open Letter Response to an NEA Article

To: ALinebaugh@nea.org
Cc: wa_tchr@yahoo.com
Subject: Opening Bell Feedback
January 29, 2010

There are some fundamental concepts that should simply be a standard any
time a report like this is published: who is the group making the report, and what is their criteria. It might also be fair to state historically what
their overall agenda has been for existing.

So the report (copied below) states that they give a grade of D-.

So despite all of the vast changes made in educational reform this past
15 years, our critics still give us a grade of either D- or F -- as if
there has been nothing substantive done in all of that time.

At some point, I think it is fair to ask the questions: is there really
anything that we could do that would ever merit their praise? What is
their criteria for an A?

The fiscal realities are that as long as public education remains the
single most expensive ticket item in probably every state legislative
budget (and personnel saleries being the biggest ticket item in public
education expenditures) -- any legislator or legislative candidate that
wants to adhere to a no tax increase and/or tax cut platform, is almost
automatically compelled to have to attack public education.

Politically, it is extremely difficult both to praise public education
(and public educators) while saying that we need to also cut taxes and
funding for public education.

The other fundamental conflict is that the more successful public
educators are in teaching students to be able to think independently,
this will be construed by some as being subversive in terms of
challenging authority. There are some who still believe that children
should be obedient to parents and authority figures without their having
to justify their mandates.

So to the point that we successfully increase students' abilities to
operate at higher thinking levels, the more some people are going to
feel threatened by being held accountable in having to explain the
reasoning for their dictates.

So as a general concept, before I blindly accept some unknown group's
evaluation of public education, I feel it is only fair to know whether
or not either of these factors exist to the point that it significantly
impacts their overall perspective and judgment of public education.

I doubt that I am stating anything new to people working for the NEA --
sort of like preaching to the choir.

What does surprise me is that the NEA would present a story that seems
to blindly accept an outside group's assessment without any comment or
information as to who the assessor is.

Respectfully submitted,
Kim Wardwell
(Wayne K. Wardwell)
Title I Teacher
Jefferson Middle School
Caldwell School District
Caldwell, Idaho

360 202-3427 cell
kwardwell@glacierview.net
wa_tchr@yahoo.com



Included below is the article that was published and sent out online by the National Educatio Association (NEA) on January 29, 2010:

Report: State Policies Protect Ineffective Teachers.

The AP (1/28, Turner) reported, "Most states are holding tight to policies that protect incompetent teachers and poor training programs, shortchanging educators and their students before new teachers even step into the classroom, according to a new" study from the National Council on Teacher Quality. The study "paints a grim picture of how states handle everything from pay to discipline for public school teachers. States are using 'broken, outdated and inflexible' policies that ultimately hurt how children learn, according to the report."

The Denver Post (1/29, McGhee) reports that the report finds Colorado "regulations governing teachers fail to ensure that all students have effective teachers." The report "gave the state an overall grade of D-plus in its 2009 review of state laws, rules and regulations governing the teaching profession." The "organization found that Colorado's teacher policies largely work against the nation's goal of improving teacher quality at a time when Race to the Top, a $4.5 billion federal grant competition has put unprecedented focus on education reform and teacher quality."

Dave Murray writes in a column for the Grand Rapids (MI) Press (1/29) that Michigan received a "grade of D-, saying that our state fails to ensure that all students will have effective, well prepared teachers. That seemed kind of harsh, since I know Michigan has some great college education programs, and it's rare that I run into an ineffective teacher." However, the "group said the state has some bright spots, including 'requiring induction for all new teachers.'"

Thursday, June 18, 2009

If Schools Were Only Run Like a Business …

Phone voice message: Welcome to Taco Shell Middle School - where students can receive the best education your money can buy.

For service in English, please press one.
Por servicio in Espanol, dice el numero dos.

Please listen carefully as all of our services have been updated recently.

For faster service, please enter the students ID number. ……..

For a listing of the student's current grades, press or say three.
For a listing of any late school assignments, press or say four.
For a listing of any overdue library fines, press or say five.
For talking with one of our customer satisfaction account representatives, press or say zero. …….

Please be aware that for better service, this call may be recorded. All of our customer satisfaction account representatives are currently busy, but your call will be answered in the order that it was received. ……..

……. (11 minutes, 23 seconds later) …..

Customer satisfaction account representative (hereafter as c.s.a.r. or the phone csar): Welcome, may I have the student’s ID number?
Mother: 132-202-268433

Phone csar: For security purposes, can you tell us what the student’s 2nd grade teacher’s undergraduate college g.p.a. was?
Mother of 132-202-268433: It was only 3.7.
Phone csar: I’m sorry, could you please carry it out two places past the decimal?
Mother of 132-202-268433: Oh, I’m sorry, I think it was 3.72.

Phone csar: Thank you. How may I help you?
Mother of 132-202-268433: Yes, I was hoping to be able to talk with my son’s teacher about his geometry homework assignment.

Phone csar: And what is your teacher’s quality control badge number?
Mother of 132-202-268433: Umm, I’m not sure.
Phone csar: Ma’am, it’s difficult to locate the student’s teacher without his c.b.n.
Mother of 132-202-268433: Well, he’s in the math class at the end of the hall on the right side.
Phone csar: Ma’am, I believe Taco Shell Middle School is in Idaho. I’m at our communication center in the Central Time Zone. Ma’am, can you tell me the last four digits of his s.s.n. or his name, last name first, first name last, along with how long he has been in the district?
Mother of 132-202-268433: Umm, yes. I believe this is his first year, and his name is Lee, Frank, errr… Or frankly, if it were reversed, it would be Frank, Lee.

Phone csar: OK Ma’am, I think I have located him. Umm, he’s in class today. Would you like me to have him contact you later this week?
Mother of 132-202-268433: But his project is due tomorrow …

Phone csar: And you waited till today to call? Ma’am, school business requires long-term planning. I see where the school district where your child resides belongs to the Better Business Practices School Organization (B.B.P.S.O.) Those schools are required under Section Roman numeral III, sub-section 5A to give their assignments at least two weeks prior to starting the corresponding chapter.
Mother of 132-202-268433: But we were out of town two weeks ago, and then my son was home sick with the chicken pox.
Phone csar: I’m sorry Ma’am, but we have a business to run. We can’t let one student-unit jeopardize the rest of the class units' production schedule.
Mother of 132-202-268433: Well, what if my son’s illness had been worse, and he had gotten so far behind that he couldn’t catch up on his own?

Phone csar: Fortunately, Ma’am, we have re-routing tracks available for those student-units whose production rates have become sub-standard. Did you need to have the proper paperwork shipped to you to start the process?
Mother of 132-202-268433: What? No!! Absolutely not – I just called to ask some questions about my son’s homework assignment.

Phone csar: Ma’am, did you go online to get fully oriented with Geom–7gr-specproj23?
Mother of 132-202-268433: Yeah, but I can never understand all of that technical talk.

Phone csar: Would you like me to transfer you to our special projects support division? We have a special running until the end of the current grading period. At the rate of just $39.95 for the first hour, and then $29.95 for each consecutive hour, you can get help for as long as you or your son needs.
Mother of 132-202-268433: Isn’t that a bit pricey?
Phone csar: Well, we are getting toward the end of the grading period which is one of our busier times. We do take credit or debit cards. Would you like our website where you can get the proper order form?
Mother of 132-202-268433: Uh, no. Again, the assignment is due tomorrow.

Phone csar: Well, keep us in mind next time.
Mother of 132-202-268433: Sure.
Phone csar: Is there any thing else I can do for you today?

Mother of 132-202-268433: No, but thank you. My head’s still trying to take all of this in. It’s a bit confusing …. Oh also, I was also confused about the name. I thought this was Horace Woman Insurance Middle School.
Phone csar: Oh it was, but Horace did not want to re-new their license. So the bid was given to Taco Shell, Incorporated.
Mother of 132-202-268433: Oh I see. I guess I just didn't realize that they had switched Horace in mid-stream.
Phone csar: Yes, I was surprised also that after Fed Ex-lax Middle School had succeeded in being its regular name for over a decade, that Horace Woman Insurance let their policy lapse. Well, don't be shellshocked if Taco Shell is willing to shell out money for licensing long enough for 132-202-268433, 132-202-297222, and 132-202-301278 have all made it through our system.
Mother of 132-202-268433: Yes – I hope so.

Phone csar: Ma’am, unless there is anything else, would you be willing to take our total-assured satisfaction survey at the end of this phone call? It won’t take more than 15 minutes to complete, and usually can be done in just one setting. We’ll even enter your name automatically in our weekly drawing of a free one-hour session of homework support - and further - if you complete it within the next five minutes, we will also enter your name for the grand prize of having a personal evening tutor three nights a week for an entire semester. Would you be interested?
Mother of 132-202-268433: Sure. You can never have too much direct instruction!